JOY IS AN ACT OF RESISTANCE

Pride Month can mean many things to those who celebrate it: bright colors, parades, parties, reminders of allyship, or fearless declarations of love that would otherwise be swept under the rug during different times. While the definition has evolved over the years to include more joyful connotations, it’s important to remember that its roots remain firmly in protest. It’s a rejection of the status quo to live authentically, a rejection of the distorted “values and beliefs” that have fueled the hatred and served as “logic” against the LGBTQIA+ community. 

But unfortunately, not everyone is afforded the luxury of doing so; even the simple process of “coming out” can be such a difficult experience for those still in the closet. Even with how much more accepting the world has become, there are still spaces where that hostility and ostracization that most queer people fear is a depressing reality.

FEAR AND LOATHING INSIDE CLOSETS 

“You want them to notice. The ragged ends of your summer dress.

You want them to see you, like they see every other girl,

They just see a f*****, they hold their breath not to catch the sick.”

“Transgender Dysphoria Blues”, Against Me! 

When I came out to my high school friends, I was expecting more sensitivity towards the topic, but what actually greeted me was more homophobic “jokes.” Now they were targeted towards me – the designated f***** of the group, per their words. I had to cut ties with them because my identity was becoming more and more of a punchline. 

If this is how my friends were treating me, then how would my deeply conservative parents react? Even in my uniquely privileged position as a cis-passing queer person, the constant guilt I feel because of this anxiety has never really gone away. There’s a certain cognitive dissonance when you’re trying to find a way to be proud of yourself when external forces constantly shame you for those same reasons.

FINDING PRIDE IN COMMUNITY 

But as overused as the phrase has become, it does get better, and more often than not, it starts when you find the right community. A big misconception that straight people have about coming out is that it’s seldom a one-time, all-encompassing event. You do it again and again across different groups, being selective about the people you feel safest around. But once you find the right group, you’ll realize that no one should ever settle for “tolerance” when that means acknowledging the fact that other people view you as lesser, a mistake that they can’t do anything about. Even workplaces can pose a risky environment; I’ve had experiences in previous offices where my sexuality was publicly speculated upon based on hand gestures that were deemed “too flamboyant.”

Thankfully, I don’t have to deal with that mess at TeamAsia. The company has been nothing short of a reliable ally in these kinds of matters. They let people be themselves proudly without the tokenism that others usually use. Even in my own little group, we’ve hosted Drag Race watch parties, participated in Pride marches, and most importantly, been supportive of each other regardless of our identities.

BEYOND ACCEPTANCE AND TOLERANCE

People are naturally complex. If straight people are allowed to be layered and be defined by more than one aspect of their humanity, then the goal is to be able to afford that same privilege for everyone. 

The hope is that, eventually, the concept of coming out will become an option, rather than a requirement. In a hetero-dominated society, where the act of being queer instantly “others” you from people, we’re looking for communities that allow us to be ourselves without filtering.

Tolerance and acceptance are decent milestones, but they should never be the end goal. The road ahead requires us to push past the superficial, stereotypical rainbows and towards creating spaces where people who’ve had my experiences are safe to feel proud of themselves.